The Kingpin Belief
I was recently invited to have lunch with a friend of mine so he could bounce a few business strategy ideas off of me. We discussed at length various ways to cut costs, increase revenues, and simplify the systems he’s currently using. A good two hours deep into the discussion, after having a complete strategy and plan worked out, he says to me, “You know Albert, I really believe that this business could make at least $100,000 a year or more if I implement everything we talked about and do the things I need to do but,” (insert dramatic music here) “in the back of mind there’s always this thought that haunts me, that I really don’t deserve all of this money.”
STOP. HOLD THE PRESSES. (insert record needle scratching sound here)
I was stunned and replied, “As long as you feel that way, that you don’t deserve it, no amount of strategizing, planning, scheming, etc. no amount of doubling your efforts, working harder, trying more, etc. is going to do any good”.
What we accidentally stumbled upon here was his “Kingpin” limiting belief. Have you ever seen a photo or video of loggers using a river to transport cut timber? (Watch One Here) At certain points the logs get jammed up and nothing flows. The loggers have to look for a key log or “kingpin” log that once it’s removed will let the flow continue again. What my friend was revealing was his kingpin log, the one thing holding back his success no matter how hard he tried, the one thing keeping everything else bottled up behind it, the thing that’s keeping him stuck.
He went on to confess that whenever things start to go well, he finds a way to self-saboutage his own efforts, to somehow screw things up for himself. Once things aren’t going so well, he ironically gets motivated enough to take corrective action and do what he needs to do to keep the business going, just not in a profitable way. In spite of the favorable or unfavorable conditions he faces, he always manages to stay right where he is financially. He gets exactly what he thinks he deserves and no more. Our income or anything else we have in life is almost solely determined by what we think we deserve. If you don’t think you truly deserve something, why would you expend any effort or take any action to get it? It may not be a conscious decision, but on some level you’d make a gut level judgement that it’s not worth your time.
“People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don’t deserve them, or that they’ll be unable to achieve them.” – from “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho.
I pointed out that we were wasting our time developing plans and strategies because until he could remove or change that “Kingpin” belief. It won’t matter what actions he tries to take, or how much effort he puts into trying harder, or working longer. In the end he’ll find a way to make sure he doesn’t get the results he says he wants because his deepest belief is that he doesn’t deserve it. One way or another, he’ll squander his profits before they’re realized. I suggested that the only way to clear this logjam is to focus his energy and efforts on removing this Kingpin, somehow finding a way to change this limiting belief.
This is not an easy proposition. I have my own limiting beliefs, and surely you do to. In a recent discussion with another client, this person identified herself as being shy. Her occupation as a hair stylist however requires her to continually pass out business cards to strangers and engage with them in order to build her clientele. This is her kingpin struggle. It’s an epic battle. How on earth can she overcome a lifetime of shyness? It’s definitely holding back her ability to make the income she needs to make in spite of her obvious talent, the positive feedback she gets, and her strong desire to succeed in this business. One of my own limiting beliefs is feeling inferior and intimidated when working with businessmen of a higher financial status. I tell myself, “this guy is already a multi-millionaire, what could I possibly offer him, he already has it made, he doesn’t need anything from me.” On the flip side, surely I have some insights, perspectives, and experience that would be of benefit. However the chatter in my mind creates self-doubt and is costing me greatly by not working with these premium clients and the spin-off referrals that would come as the result of my help and insights. I have to constantly remind myself that each one of us has something valuable to contribute to every other single person.
The thing that makes these “Kingpin” beliefs so hard to overcome, is that they are a result of a lifetime of programming. The messages that cause these deeply rooted belief patterns have been imprinting since childhood (from well-meaning sources, like parents, teachers, friends, etc.). Our own acceptance of these messages has reinforced them over and over again until the point where they are now a part of our self image, our identity. We continue to speak them into existence, “I’m shy”, “I’m no good at business”, “I’m bad at math”, “I can’t remember names”, “I couldn’t possibly speak in front of a group”, “I’m not educated enough”, “I’m too old, it’s too late for me”, “My parents didn’t do enough for me”, “I don’t have enough skills or talent”, “I’m terrible managing my time or money”, etc. etc. etc. the list goes on. If you listen carefully to almost anyone speak for even a few minutes, they’ll make multiple statements like this. Every time we repeat these things, telling our same story, we make them our reality. Are they true? Only if you believe they are. Can we change these things? Of course, but again, it’s not easy, although it’s certainly worth the effort. You have to start telling a different story. Start telling the story you want to manifest, not the one of the past.
The good news is that our minds are totally reprogrammable. By becoming a vigilant guardian of what thoughts you allow into your mind you can, over time, re-landscape your subconscious mind and your perception of reality. And YES, you do have the power to choose your thoughts. This is my area of expertise if you need help with a longterm strategy of permanently changing your mindset. I also realize that in our current culture everyone wants a quick fix and immediate results, so if you’re not ready to take one of my more comprehensive courses, here are a few quicker wisdom recommendations:
Essentially we have to go under the hood and tinker around with our subconscious mind. This is where the limiting beliefs reside and have been growing undeterred since who knows when. Think of them as weeds planted long ago that have been allowed to grow wild with no one tending of the fertile garden of your subconscious mind. It’s a mess right now, a jungle, you’re going to have to go in there and do some serious weeding. You’ll also have to go in there and start planting some beautiful flowers and fruit trees that will eventually blossom and bare fruit.
1) Use one of my Yoga Nidra recordings (I call them Yogi power naps here) to implant a counterbalancing intention that will uproot and replace the negative belief. This is like planting a fruit tree. You’ll have to read the intention worksheet that comes with it for a detailed method of choosing a powerful and helpful intention. I can also work with you to figure this out if you have no idea what to tackle first. As a subscriber to my newsletter, you’ll receive a link to several of the downloads for free, and even more are available here.
2) Hypnosis scripts. I could do a whole blogpost on hypnosis, but for now just trust me that in my experience hypnosis works. If you are on a budget, I’d recommend using HypnosisDownloads.com They have over 800 pre-recorded scripts for just about any limiting belief you can think of for about $15 each.
3) Go and see a real hypnotist for a personalized custom session to find and address your issues. I became a believer in hypnosis at the age of 12 when my stubborn old codger of a Grandpa quit a 3 pack-a-day smoking habit after one session and never smoked another cigarette again. I also have an amazing story about taking my son to a hypnotist, Linda Allred, and how that transformed his life. I’ll warn you in advance that she is not cheap, but might be worth it if you have something really holding you back, or more importantly don’t know what’s holding you back and need to find out. She also has some inexpensive ($10) positive affirmation audio downloads on her website that my whole family has found helpful if you want to try something less expensive first.
Tony Robbins and many others talk about unlearning the beliefs that hold us back. If you google “overcome limiting beliefs” you will find a ton of resources, methods, and systems. I’m only giving you the ones that I’ve had personal experience with and so I can’t recommend anything else for sure. I know that there must be many things that would also work. I’d love to hear some feedback if you’ve had a positive experience changing your own limiting beliefs using a method that I could share with others.
What I know is that these beliefs can be changed. What I promise is that if we accept responsibility, we can have total dominion over our own mindset, and as a result more control over our lives and external circumstances than we currently realize. I want to encourage you to stop repeating out loud, or inside your own head the self-talk of your limiting beliefs. This is the first step. Start to tell your new story. Increase your self-awareness (through a mediation practice ideally) and find your “Kingpin” and then get to work on it. This is the place to focus. All of your efforts and energy will be much more productive once you find that key log, blow it up, and get that flow going again.
The Entrepreneur Elevator
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p.s. Tell your entrepreneurial friends about the Quick Wisdom Call, I’ll be happy to answer their questions about Real Estate, starting a business, wealth creation, how to be rich and happy at the same time, how to make more and work less, and how to find your purpose and passion for the most fulfilling and lasting success.